


Stars

by ebs_14



Category: Megadeth, Metallica
Genre: Death, Gen, Loneliness, Longing, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 03:55:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12380391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ebs_14/pseuds/ebs_14
Summary: “Last night I thought of you.”





	Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for not really being active, I have been super busy lately. I hope you enjoy!

  Last night I thought of you. 

  It's no surprise, really, I do it often. 

  But tonight was different. 

  We stopped the night in a small town just outside of Alberta, the name of the town I can't recall. 

  We all decided to just park in a field and sleep in the bus, it would be easier to get going in the morning that way. 

  I woke up around 2:00 in the morning and found myself unable to sleep. I took the blanket that was on my bunk and went outside. 

  I laid out on the field, looking up at the stars. 

  There was many stars in the sky, unlike New York or California, there was no light pollution to distract from the night sky. 

  The stars, dancing, blinking, communicating with each other. Many stars shooting across the sky. 

  But the brightest star was directly over me. 

  The moment I saw it I saw your face, not in my mind but in the sky almost. It was weird. 

  I got an instant sense of warmth in the chilly autumn air, like how it was in the old days when we would sneak out of the Metallica house and sit in the yard in silence, just being in each other's presence. 

  Or when you would come and surprise me, climbing up the side of my apartment and sneaking in the window. I always left it unlocked for you. We'd climb to the roof and lay there until sunrise, talking, cuddling, sometimes even making love. 

  I still remember the thrill we got from almost being caught, the rush it would give us. We were on top of the world. 

  We never did get caught, our relationship of almost three years remained a secret. 

  You promised the day you got back from your tour in Europe with Metallica that we'd go out camping so we could see the stars every night. 

  You never kept that promise, the bus you were in crashed, threw you out the window and landed on top of you, not killing you, not yet. There was hope. 

  But the chains slipped, the bus landed again. You were killed, putting you out of your pain. Sending me into a constant state of pain. It's been thirty one years to the day today. 

  No one told me. 

  No one. 

  I didn't find out for three days. 

  When I did find out, it wasn't even from any of my ex band mates. It was on a radio. And then a newspaper. 

  A fucking newspaper. 

  We were going to grow old together, we were going to get married. That's legal now you know, we really could have gotten married. 

  We were going to love each other until we couldn't think we could love anymore. 

  But that fucking bus. 

  That fucking ice. 

  That fucking road in Sweden. 

  Why?

  I'm here still, healthy but lonely. 

  Yes, I know I have a wife and kids. And I love them very much. But you are my soulmate. The one I found solace in. You were my first true love. My last true love. 

  You still have a place in my heart, in my life. 

  I wrote a song about you you know. Way back when I first found out you passed away. 

  I wore the ring you gave me. Every day. Pam made me take it off when we got married, she is the only living soul other than me who knows about us. 

  I didn't mean to tell her, it came up in a fight about the ring. She asked me if I had an ex wife and I told her I didn't. She asked why I wore it and I told her that you gave it to me. At first she didn't understand, so I told her. I told her that I loved you. That I still love you. She understood, but still wanted the ring off. I took it off, but I still pin it to the inside of the waistband on my jeans every day. 

  Cliff, wherever you are, I love you. I love you with my whole heart. I could never love anyone as much as I love you. 

  We'll be together again one day. 

  I don't know if you know this, but I tried to overdose on Valium so I could be with you. 

  Everyone thought I was just depressed, and it's true, I was. But it wasn't because of the usual reasons. 

  It was because I felt guilty. Justis, my son had just been born and I felt awful. It was supposed to be something we did together. But I did it anyways. 

  I still wish it worked, I hate being here, being alive without you.   
    
  I stayed out until the sun rose talking to you last night, do you remember? 

  Did you hear me? 

  Sometimes I'll wake up after a dream about you, usually it's us now, now that we're old, still in love nonetheless. You know, in my dreams you aged really well, and I know you would have in real life too. 

  I'll wake up and think you're there beside me. It's never you, it's always Pam. 

  God, I just want to see you smile. I just want to hear your voice. Your laugh. 

  I can't watch interviews of you without crying, and I can't listen to your bass solo because I cry every time. I cry like a baby. When Metallica released "Cliff 'em All" I bought it, watched it, and proceeded to cry for three days. I didn't let anyone see me, I told the band I was sick. 

  I miss you. I love you. You're amazing and I'll love you until I die. Even then, I'll still love you, because then I can see you. 

  I'd give up my house, Megadeth, I'd even cut my hair to be with you again. I'd give absolutely anything. I'd give my life to bring you back. But sadly, I cannot. There isn't anything I can do and it kills me. 

  Rest In Peace Cliff, you mean everything to me. I love you and I will love you forever. Just remember, each day that passes is a day I get closer to seeing you. 

  Shine bright baby.


End file.
